Contributed by: Sandra Adams, CFP®
I recently took a week-long family trip with my husband and son (a senior in high school). This was a rare occasion for the three of us to spend some time together and communicate — away from the TVs, devices and to actually get my son out of his room and away from his Xbox. Getting information out of teenagers — especially boys — about what is going on in their lives is like “getting blood out of a turnip” as they say.
As with many of our family members, friends and co-workers that we may have difficulty communicating with, rather than become frustrated that we are not getting the information we are looking for, or find that we are “stuck” trying to help or plan for someone that is not helping in the process, we took a different path on our trip. We decided that I would try to open the door by asking some open ended questions...and then try being quiet. We just listened and gave space. It took several days into our trip for our son to start opening up, but once he started, the results were amazing — he talked to us about things that he had never spoken about, asked our advice about some things that were going on at school, and began taking part in “adult” conversations right before our eyes.
Such conversations can and need to take place in many circumstances in our lives. Whether it be our aging parents that we are beginning to assist, and we aren’t sure of their future desires for their own aging futures; our children as they transition into adulthood; or conversations with ourselves as we determine our next steps in life (transitioning into retirement, transitioning into a new career, figuring out what life looks like after divorce or the death of a spouse). All of these conversations start with asking the right questions...and then listening...to others or ourselves. Spending time on this process is important and does not happen overnight, but the results can be life changing.
Start the New Year by committing to start asking questions of those people you want to communicate more clearly with, or about those situations you want to move forward on. If you are not sure what questions you need to be asking or how to start this process, please feel free to reach out for our help!
Sandra Adams, CFP® is a Partner and Financial Planner at Center for Financial Planning, Inc.® Sandy specializes in Elder Care Financial Planning and is a frequent speaker on related topics. In addition to her frequent contributions to Money Centered, she is regularly quoted in national media publications such as The Wall Street Journal, Research Magazine and Journal of Financial Planning.
Any opinions are those of Sandra Adams, CFP®, and not necessarily those of Raymond James.